1 Action You Can Take on Memorial Day

During this Memorial Day, I ask you to remember those we are losing or lost from the effects of combat.

Memorial Day weekend remembers Americans who died in combat defending our country and way of life. I celebrate the lives of the six paratroopers from our unit who died in Afghanistan in 2007, even as I mourn their loss.

I invite you to watch the short videos about how I remember them.

That’s how I choose to spend the day. Yours may be different, and don’t let the scolds tell you there’s only one way to be or feel.

An Ongoing Silent Tragedy Among Veterans

There’s a silent tragedy ongoing among veterans. Over 140,000 veterans have died by suicide since 9/11. Overdoses and other deaths of despair drive the toll higher. You could pack an NFL stadium – twice – with those numbers and still have people lined up for blocks to get inside.

Many of their deaths stem from post-combat stress. I distinguish this situation from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), where the signs of distress are visible.

Post-combat stress stems from the re-wiring of your circuitry that was invaluable during combat. It kept you alive and helped you perform extraordinary actions. After prolonged periods under duress, you can equate your identity with your stress reactions.

Addiction to the emotions you felt when you felt most alive gets you to live in the past. Your memories stir up the feelings, and the feelings ignite more memories.

For example, think about a time you had a heated argument with your spouse, children, boss, or co-workers. You probably feel your heart race faster and your temperature rise on your face. You are reliving the emotions you felt: anger, frustration, betrayal, etc. Now, imagine thinking those thoughts and feeling those emotions repeatedly so they become your personality.

Post-combat stress is a slow drift, barely noticed by family and friends. They might know something is a little off, but nothing raises alarms until it’s too late. We miss the changes from slow drift because they are too subtle. You don’t appreciate how much your kids grow day by day, for example, unless you look back over time. Drift is the opposite.

Drift from post-combat stress is why you are surprised when someone dies by suicide, gets addicted to drugs, or breaks down. “I never saw it coming.”

During this Memorial Day, I ask you to remember those we are losing or lost from the effects of combat.

Justin, one of our best leaders, drifted after the military. He was living in a dumpster next to a city library in Calfornia, a meth addict. He’s moved on. We don’t know where.

Robert, a terrific paratrooper, was addicted to the adrenaline he remembered from combat, constantly thrill-seeking. He had an accident extreme-sporting and later drank himself to death.

We gave Jacky a valor award for rushing up a mountain ridgeline to break an enemy ambush. He drifted, got hooked on heroin, and was found dead in a Minneapolis hotel room.

These tragedies occurring on such a vast scale are virtually invisible to Americans.

I founded the Saber Six Foundation to address this problem by getting people back together who served and fought together, giving them the tools to focus on the present and future growth instead of living in the past, and sustaining the camaraderie and support long-term.

No one involved in our programs has died by suicide or overdoses or attempted. Veterans are finding new purpose and belonging as they focus on growth. I invite you to learn more about our impact on our website.

How You Can Help

One important way you can help is to talk with veterans so they feel like they belong. Instead of “thank you for your service,” you can ask, “what did you do in the service? What was the best part about serving in the military?” Thanking someone for their service after you’ve learned a bit about them resonates more.

I also encourage veterans to talk about their experiences, saving the more intimate details for the people who experienced them with you. Talking about them makes them tangible. Talking about the emotions you felt makes them tangible and easier to manage.