Addressing Toxic Echo Chambers

Social media has become the ultra-processed foods of the internet. It recycles rage and field animosity.  

Americans report a poor ability to have challenging conversations. According to Harris, 69% of leaders report being uncomfortable communicating with employees, while roughly seventy percent of employees report avoiding difficult conversations (Inc.). 

Social media creates a venue for expressing rage in the comfort of one’s own echo chamber, never having to actually converse with someone of different views. The habit has eroded civility and standards.

Last week’s newsletter on my conversation with former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh C. Johnson provides an excellent process for leaders to strengthen their ability to address challenging issues, so you promote goodwill and buy-in instead of animosity and win-lose frustration.

1. Surround yourself with people who hold different points of view, so you avoid getting high on your own supply.
2. Look for the best in people instead of assuming the worst.
3. Listen to understand so people know you’ve heard them.
4. Create an atmosphere in which it’s us against the problem, not me versus you.
5. Find a synthesis so you gain greater buy-in.

Jeh’s conversation, plus the recent spate of political violence, inspired me to look to another mentor for wisdom on how leaders boost civility while maintaining high standards.

Top 10 Rules of Civility for Today’s Leaders

Inspired by George Washington’s 110 Rules of Civility (ca. 1744)

1. Show Respect in All Situations

• Washington’s Maxim: Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
  
• Translation: Treat every person with respect and look for the best in them. Respect builds trust, influence, and high standards.
  

2. Avoid Gossip and Slander

• Washington’s Maxim: Speak not evil of the absent for it is unjust.
  
• Modern Translation: Before posting or saying something, make sure it meets three tests: it is true, necessary, and kind.

The heart collects what the mind projects.

3. Control Your Actions

• Washington’s Maxim: Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.
  
• Modern Translation: Don’t celebrate someone’s failure or explode in anger when something goes wrong. Leaders demonstrate strength by handling setbacks and victories with poise and grace.

Feel the emotions that you feel and cultivate the feelings you want. Emotions are subconscious signals designed to protect you. Actions are choices.

4. Speak with Clarity and Brevity

• Washington’s Maxim: Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
  
• Modern Translation: Be concise and purposeful. Long-windedness and complexifying waste time; clarity honors it.
  

5. Exemplify Your Standards

• Washington’s Maxim: Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
  
• Modern Translation: Be the exemplar of your standards. Uphold your values even under pressure. Civility and standards endure when leaders align words and actions.
  

6. Be Present and Attentive

• Washington’s Maxim: Turn not your back to others especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not upon anyone.
  
• Modern Translation: Listen to understand. Give people your full attention. In modern terms: no phones in meetings, no multitasking in conversations. Presence signals respect and focus.

Maintain awareness of your surroundings and make others feel comfortable around you. Don’t stop at the bottom of the escalator.

7. Use Supportive Accountability

• Washington’s Maxim: Use no reproachful language against anyone; neither curse nor revile.
  
• Modern Translation: Correct mistakes firmly but respectfully. Civility is reinforced when leaders disagree without belittling and hold people accountable without contempt. 

Accountability is not you against your employee. It’s us against the problem.

8. Practice Patience and Restraint

• Washington’s Maxim: When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak nor laugh.
  
• Modern Translation: Listen with an open heart and mind. Ask clarifying questions. Don’t interrupt or try to dominate conversations. Leaders demonstrate discipline by allowing others to finish and weighing in with thoughtful timing.
  

9. Be Appropriately Authoritative

• Washington’s Maxim: Let your countenance be pleasant but in serious matters somewhat grave.
  
• Modern Translation: Strike a balance between warmth and seriousness. Civility grows when leaders bring both approachability and gravitas, making people feel valued and fostering focus.
  

10. Create an Uplifting Support Network

• Washington’s Maxim: Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for ’tis better to be alone than in bad company.
• Modern Translation: Surround yourself with people of integrity and competence: Zappers. High standards begin with your choices of partners, mentors, and teams. The 5 people you allow to influence you the most are an accurate reflection of you.

About Author

Chris Kolenda

I work with leaders who want to build unshakeable business endurance.

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