Listening to Understand

Are you REALLY listening? Unlock hours of productivity with just one simple communication change.

Did you know that a Harris poll recently revealed that the average company loses eight hours of productivity per employee per week due to miscommunication? That tallies to 400 hours per employee per year. At a $100,000 salary, you are losing $20,000 in productivity. The totals are staggering.

Improving communication means providing clearer guidance, using plain language instead of jargon, and listening more effectively. 

I used to think active listening entailed nodding my head and saying “uh-huh” and “yes” every now and again. I probably looked like a kabuki bird or someone with a spring for a neck, and sounded like I couldn’t hold a conversation.

This practice didn’t earn me too many penalties as long as I interacted with someone with the same background and viewpoints.

Others from very different perspectives—whether in graduate school, Afghanistan, or outside the military—would feel that they weren’t being heard. My way of active listening was undermining relationships, impeding coordination, and limiting what we could accomplish.

While nodding and “uh-huhing” at high-level meetings, for example, I was also formulating my responses in my head to the fast-moving and sometimes contentious discussions. When I had it about right and gained a turn to speak, what I said was often out of step with where the conversation had moved. I was also accused of relitigating matters or rehashing what was already agreed, wasting time. 

4 Common Modes of Listening

Frustrated and wanting to do better, I learned that there are four common modes of listening: distracted, listening to respond, listening to win, and listening to understand.

Distracted listening happens when you multitask: reading, typing on your computer, scrolling social media, watching television, etc. You miss most of what the other person is saying, and they feel disrespected by your inattention. 

Listening to respond, what I was doing in meetings, occurs when you hear something that triggers a need to respond, so you stop paying attention to what’s being said while formulating your response. The same part of the brain is involved in both actions, so your internal voice will trump everything else. 

Listening to win entails focusing on proving you are right, undermining the other person, or showing how smart you are. Even if you succeed, you are guaranteed to be on the wrong side of right, making people feel unsafe around you.

Listening to understand improves communication because you focus on getting the other person’s point of view first, especially when you do not agree with them. Provide your full attention so they know nothing is more important at that moment than hearing what they have to say. When they make a point or two, rephrase their position in your own terms and ask, “Did I get that about right?” When they say, “That’s exactly right,” you can move forward.

Exploring their point of view with open-ended questions will show your intention to understand.

• What inspired you to come to this conclusion?
• What’s the impact of your observation?
• How do you suggest we address your point?
• What makes this matter so important to you?
• How do you feel about this issue?

Once you’ve gained a more complete perspective, validate their communication by appreciating their willingness to address the matter with you. At that point, you can provide your perspective or point of view and discuss ways to move forward.

RAVEN

The RAVEN acronym can help:

R: Restate their views to their satisfaction

A: Ask open-ended questions

V: Value their willingness to share their views

E: Educate them on your point of view, experiences, or concerns

N: Negotiate a way forward

One executive complained, “Wait a minute, Chris. I don’t have time to do this in every conversation.”

You can’t afford not to because you will save more than the 400 hours per employee you lose annually. As this practice becomes a habit, people will flag problems and bring you new ideas because they know they are being heard, which will reduce time in crisis management and mediocrity while boosting innovation. 

Listening to understand is an investment in success.

I practice these conversations with my coaching clients and during workshops with their teams to help them turn listening to understand into an unconscious competence.

What impact will reducing the unforced miscommunication errors have on your company? Hit reply to let me know.

About Author

Chris Kolenda

I work with leaders who want to build unshakeable business endurance.

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