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chris@chriskolenda.com
You Collect What You Project
Who surrounds you?
I was in Tampa this week with a mentor group I invest in, working on our storytelling and keynotes. These inspiring people remind me that community is vital to growth.
I did not always believe that.
I used to think asking for help or advice was an admission of weakness. I spent my first five years as a consultant lone-wolfing it. Not coincidentally, those were also the years when I made my most expensive mistakes.
Eventually, I grew tired of my unforced errors and missed opportunities. I invested in a business mentor, and my business took off. More importantly, I found greater joy, deeper growth, and more meaningful impact. I’ve invested in myself ever since.
Think M&Ms: You learn from mistakes or mentors. The latter is more fun and much less expensive.
You cannot read the label from inside the jar. Who is helping you see what you cannot see for yourself? How are you investing in your success?
A Deeper Observation
Your closest relationships are both a mirror and a mold. They reveal who you are while shaping who you become.
I have been fortunate to have terrific mentors and colleagues who strengthened me personally and professionally. But I also noticed a troubling pattern: I seemed to attract needy and manipulative people too. When I distanced myself from one, another often appeared.
At first, I blamed them. Then I became curious about myself.
I realized that I was projecting an energy that made these relationships more likely. Perhaps it was an excessive need to be helpful. Perhaps weak boundaries masquerading as generosity. Perhaps the quiet satisfaction of being needed.
That realization did not make me responsible for anyone else’s behavior. It made me responsible for my own presence.
You collect what you project.
See this video on the three types of people that affect you: Sappers, Trappers, and Zappers (the discussion begins at the 9:00 mark).
The mentor group I have invested in elevates both my business and my inside game. That inside game is like the ocean floor: foundational to our world, yet often the part we understand least.
For years, I have embraced the ancient Greco-Roman philosophy of agency: you cannot control external events, but you can control your response. I would now add an important complement:
You may not control who or what enters your world, but you can choose the energy with which you meet it.
Our emotional energy reportedly sends an electromagnetic signal that people can feel 4 to 7 feet away. As a leader, you project emotional energy every day: calm or anxiety, confidence or insecurity, abundance or scarcity, curiosity or judgment. People sense it long before they hear your carefully chosen words, and it affects their performance.
What do the people around you reveal about the energy you project?
I’d love to discuss this topic further with you. Simply comment below. I enjoy responding to your questions and observations. Thank you for all of the replies to last week’s newsletter about how I experienced the dangers of servant leadership (click the link to read). I’m certainly not alone!
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