Tag Archive for: veterans

1 Action You Can Take on Memorial Day

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During this Memorial Day, I ask you to remember those we are losing or lost from the effects of combat. 

Memorial Day weekend remembers Americans who died in combat defending our country and way of life. I celebrate the lives of the six paratroopers from our unit who died in Afghanistan in 2007, even as I mourn their loss. 

I invite you to watch the short videos about how I remember them.

That’s how I choose to spend the day. Yours may be different, and don’t let the scolds tell you there’s only one way to be or feel.

An Ongoing Silent Tragedy Among Veterans

There’s a silent tragedy ongoing among veterans. Over 140,000 veterans have died by suicide since 9/11. Overdoses and other deaths of despair drive the toll higher. You could pack an NFL stadium – twice – with those numbers and still have people lined up for blocks to get inside.

Many of their deaths stem from post-combat stress. I distinguish this situation from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), where the signs of distress are visible. 

Post-combat stress stems from the re-wiring of your circuitry that was invaluable during combat. It kept you alive and helped you perform extraordinary actions. After prolonged periods under duress, you can equate your identity with your stress reactions. 

Addiction to the emotions you felt when you felt most alive gets you to live in the past. Your memories stir up the feelings, and the feelings ignite more memories. 

For example, think about a time you had a heated argument with your spouse, children, boss, or co-workers. You probably feel your heart race faster and your temperature rise on your face. You are reliving the emotions you felt: anger, frustration, betrayal, etc. Now, imagine thinking those thoughts and feeling those emotions repeatedly so they become your personality.    

Post-combat stress is a slow drift, barely noticed by family and friends. They might know something is a little off, but nothing raises alarms until it’s too late. We miss the changes from slow drift because they are too subtle. You don’t appreciate how much your kids grow day by day, for example, unless you look back over time. Drift is the opposite.

Drift from post-combat stress is why you are surprised when someone dies by suicide, gets addicted to drugs, or breaks down. “I never saw it coming.”

During this Memorial Day, I ask you to remember those we are losing or lost from the effects of combat. 

Justin, one of our best leaders, drifted after the military. He was living in a dumpster next to a city library in Calfornia, a meth addict. He’s moved on. We don’t know where.

Robert, a terrific paratrooper, was addicted to the adrenaline he remembered from combat, constantly thrill-seeking. He had an accident extreme-sporting and later drank himself to death.

We gave Jacky a valor award for rushing up a mountain ridgeline to break an enemy ambush. He drifted, got hooked on heroin, and was found dead in a Minneapolis hotel room.

These tragedies occurring on such a vast scale are virtually invisible to Americans. 

I founded the Saber Six Foundation to address this problem by getting people back together who served and fought together, giving them the tools to focus on the present and future growth instead of living in the past, and sustaining the camaraderie and support long-term. 

No one involved in our programs has died by suicide or overdoses or attempted. Veterans are finding new purpose and belonging as they focus on growth. I invite you to learn more about our impact on our website.

How You Can Help

One important way you can help is to talk with veterans so they feel like they belong. Instead of “thank you for your service,” you can ask, “what did you do in the service? What was the best part about serving in the military?” Thanking someone for their service after you’ve learned a bit about them resonates more.

I also encourage veterans to talk about their experiences, saving the more intimate details for the people who experienced them with you. Talking about them makes them tangible. Talking about the emotions you felt makes them tangible and easier to manage.

The best way to interact with veterans this weekend

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It’s Memorial Day weekend, and there’s a high probability that you will encounter veterans and Gold Star family members.

Here are some great ways to interact.

As you know, Memorial Day honors service members who died serving our country, while Veterans Day (in November) recognizes those who served in America’s armed forces.

The small size of the U.S. military and the lack of a mandatory service obligation result in few Americans having a shared military experience with veterans or current service members. 

Wanting to be sensitive and often not knowing what to say, people tend to say, “Thank you for your service,” and go their separate ways. 

There’s nothing wrong with that, but you both are missing an opportunity to build bridges that bring people closer together.

Here are some questions you can ask veterans:

  • Tell me more about your service (what you did, where did you serve?).
  • What did you like the most about the military?
  • Are you remembering anyone in particular this Memorial Day? 
  • Please tell me about them.

You can ask a similar question to Gold Star family members:

  • Tell me more about your [son, daughter, mom, dad, brother, sister]

Most veterans and Gold Star families will appreciate your genuine interest. They’ll get to tell you some of their own story and that of someone they are remembering this weekend.

I’m remembering the six cavalry paratroopers from our unit killed in action in 2007: 

I’ve made a short video about each of them, which you can access at the link in each name.

I hope you have a joyful weekend commemorating those who gave their lives to protect our liberty and pursuit of happiness.

The 1700-mile Fallen Honor Ride mentioned in these videos started the Saber Six Foundation, which helps veterans create an ever-better future through programs that strengthen Purpose, Belonging, and Well-being. 

Go to https://SaberSixFoundation.com for more information. 

Unruly Student Protests Show the Price of Double Standards

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The universities that enforced progressive orthodoxy for years are seeing the fruits of their labor in unruly student protests. 

These protesters have taken over buildings, forced universities to cancel graduation ceremonies, barred Jewish students from campus areas, and issued threats of physical violence against them. 

One protest leader reportedly said to Columbia University administrators in January, “be glad, be grateful that I’m not just going out and murdering Zionists.” His outburst was tolerated; he was barred from campus months later when a video from the meeting went viral.  

Emotions are high on both sides of the Gaza conflict, and protests are a natural response to intense dissatisfaction. I’ve put my life on the line to defend America’s cherished right to air your views and protest policies you don’t agree with. I support the students’ rights to protest, and I disagree with how they are exercising them (especially considering the infiltration from professional agitators). Selective enforcement of the rules by university administrators created this disaster.

Many universities have bought into the crude bigotry that judges the worth of a person based on their membership in certain identity groups and created monocultures to enforce conformity. The intentional lack of viewpoint diversity has super-empowered favored groups, who’ve taken their license to its logical conclusion.

Viewpoint diversity is vital for a successful university as well as a successful business. The best companies encourage people to express their disagreements respectfully because you want people to flag problems before they become crises and offer fresh ideas that seize opportunities. If you only let favored people speak their views or shut down ideas you disagree with, you will soon find yourself trapped in a thought bubble, inhaling your own gas. 

The way forward for universities is to make sure protests meet three requirements: 

  1.  you may disagree agreeably – no intimidation or threats of harm to others
  2. you must allow all students to access campus facilities freely
  3. you may not impede university programs or functions

You can set similar rules for your business. Encourage people to disagree agreeably and give people the skills to receive new ideas and reports of problems with an open mind so everyone gets their ideas heard without fear of retribution. Prompt people to orient on your company’s common good (your mission and vision, goals and values, standards and expectations) so their disagreements create rather than impede progress.

These guidelines will help you maintain the healthy conflict that is vital to your company’s growth. 

Do you want to boost your company’s conflict management skills? 

I’ve helped motivate insurgent groups in Afghanistan to stop fighting and switch sides and even prompted the Taliban to write an open letter to the American people requesting peace talks. I’ve helped companies, nonprofits, and first responders move from intractable internal conflict to agreeable disagreement, dramatically improving performance, morale, and well-being.

Let’s set up a time to discuss whether strengthening conflict management skills would help your organization thrive. Simply send me an email or click here to find a time that works best for you.