It’s OK to Have a Happy Memorial Day

The Memorial Day scolds come out annually. You can honor the day in your own way.

Today, I will be remembering the six paratroopers from my unit killed in action in Afghanistan. Their names are Private First Class Chris Pfeifer, Sergeant Adrian Hike, Specialist Jacob Lowell, Staff Sergeant Ryan Fritsche, Captain Dave Boris, and Major Tom Bostick. I invite you to watch this video about their service and sacrifice.

They died in places I directed them to go, following the orders I gave. One of the sacred responsibilities of combat leadership is to put your people in a position to succeed, knowing that the enemy acts of their own will and that you cannot control outcomes. You, alone, carry that weight, and yet, you do not have to be alone in carrying it. Each loss tore a hole in my emotional heart.

Memorial Ceremony honoring Major Tom Bostick and Staff Sergeant Ryan Fritsche, August 2007, Camp Keating, Afghanistan.

I’ll also be remembering those who have died from the effects of their wartime service – the diseases, suicides, overdoses, and other deaths of despair. Like nearly every combat unit, we’ve lost more to those causes than we did to enemy fire. Those deaths tear holes and leave scar tissue, too.

I’ve discovered another heart – a spiritual one. It was always there, but I’d kept it locked up and carefully guarded behind walls. I didn’t know that I was slowly suffocating it. Getting the right support cracked open those walls and gave me the courage to tell the sentinels to stand down.

I discovered my spiritual heart is a fire. Flames ignited in the fresh air when I opened up the walls. I call it my burning heart. The brighter those flames burn, the more warmth and light they produce.

Cultivating that flame provides the power to hold the sadness and joy, to remember the past but not be controlled by it, to honor the fallen and support the living. To me, Memorial Day is about that, too. The Saber Six Foundation is an expression of that burning heart. So is my personal and professional life.

Today, I will remember those who gave their lives defending our country and way of life. I will also enjoy the happiness of spending time with my family and friends, and reminiscing with my comrades. I can do all of these things, freely, and commemorate Memorial Day in my own way because Americans like these have defended our right to do so.

I invite you to hold Memorial Day and give it to others in a way that works for you. A memorial, by definition, is an act, symbol, observance, or place dedicated to honoring and remembering those who died in service to the nation. There’s no mandate for the emotions you are supposed to feel.

You have sovereignty. You are free, to paraphrase my friend and mentor Michelle Villalobos, to feel the emotions you feel and to cultivate the emotions you want to feel.

To Memorial Day.

How I Help Trailblazers

Learn how trailblazers gain a decisive competitive advantage in any market.

Armies fight with weapons and businesses compete with products and services. In both cases, people win the victories.

The paradox of success: When I led 800 paratroopers in the mountains of Afghanistan, every day was a battle for survival. We were winning every battle, but each victory seemed to bring even greater challenges. After 90 days, four of our troopers were killed, and scores were wounded. Our metrics indicated success, but I felt the conflict was getting worse. The people we thought we were helping were, in many cases, the same ones trying to kill us.

Recognizing the need for change: The best businesses often face similar situations. You are winning the battles and bringing in revenues, and your team is proud of what they are achieving. But you feel the ground shifting under your feet. Gaining a decisive competitive advantage feels just out of reach. You need buy-in for strategic innovation, but your people might not yet see the need for change. Doing the same things in the same ways won’t get the same results if your competitors are innovating. Just ask Sears or Blockbuster.

Back in Afghanistan, it was clear to me that the ground was shifting. If we kept doing the same things, we’d keep getting the same or worse results. But deviating from the playbook was risky—it meant going against deeply entrenched norms. The pressure to “stay the course” was intense. Yet, it was also clear that staying the course meant no path to success. We needed to blaze a new trail.

Lessons From Afghanistan: A Transformation Framework

The turning point came when I stopped seeing the Taliban purely as enemies and started seeing them as human beings driven by practical grievances—ones that we could potentially address. This insight ignited a new approach: we needed to spend less time chasing bad guys and more time building allies. CEOs must innovate, too, but earning buy-in can be challenging.

3 Pillars to Gain a Decisive Competitive Advantage

The trailblazing owners and CEOs who work with me implement three pillars to gain a decisive competitive advantage:

1. Winning Strategy: We moved from an enemy-focused strategy to one built on partnership and mutual benefit—just as businesses must often pivot from competing on price to offering superior value.

2. Inspiring Culture: We refocused our unit’s culture from ‘destroy the enemy’ to ‘build lasting alliances’—similar to how the best companies shift from short-term results to long-term value creation.

3. Empowering Leadership: We developed leadership behaviors that built trust within our ranks and with local leaders, paralleling how successful CEOs must build trust across their organization and with stakeholders.

It wasn’t easy, but we innovated successfully. Six months later, the biggest insurgent group in the area stopped fighting and started working with us, giving us a decisive competitive advantage. It was the only example of such an outcome in the 20-year history of the war.

Turning High-Stakes Challenges Into a Decisive Competitive Advantage

CEOs of $100M+ companies face their own high-stakes challenges: market disruption, evolving employee expectations, fierce competition, and the constant pressure to innovate. Drawing from my military, academic, and business experiences, I help them close the gap between their performance and potential by turning high-stakes challenges into a decisive competitive advantage through a winning strategy, an inspiring culture, and empowering leadership.

Why It Matters: Making an Enduring Positive Contribution

For the people I work with, a decisive competitive advantage is not an end in itself. You use it to make an enduring positive contribution: providing a joyful workplace, advancing employee livelihoods, and strengthening your communities. What works in the military doesn’t always work in business, and vice versa. But, organizations that develop a winning strategy, build an inspiring culture, and promote empowering leadership behaviors will succeed in a competitive, ever-changing market.

When the stakes are highest, conventional wisdom often fails us. But any organization can transform its most significant challenges into opportunities with the right strategy, culture, and leadership. That’s what I learned in Afghanistan, and that’s what I help trailblazing CEOs achieve today. My clients, including CEOs, Cabinet-level officials, 4-Star Generals, Police and Fire Chiefs, and NFL teams, have grown by over $100 million and counting.

Let’s Have a Meaningful Conversation

Would you be interested in a strategy call about closing the gap between your performance and potential? A strategy call has two main objectives. First, and most importantly, is to deliver value to you. By the time we’re done, you will have gained something of significant value – it might be an idea, some perspective, or an insight into your situation.

Once we’ve had that part of the discussion and you feel that you’ve gotten that value, then we can address if and how I might be able to support you. At that point, we can decide to work together or not work together, and either way is fine. There’s no pressure. Does that work for you? If so, schedule a time.

Matrixed Organizations Don’t Work

October 6, 2021/in Afghanistan Current Events, Chris Kolenda, Leadership, Strategy/by Chris Kolenda

They suffer a disorder similar to siloed ones: poor accountability.

Matrixed Organizations Don’t Work

Matrixed organizations don’t work. They suffer a disorder similar to siloed ones: poor accountability. The Afghanistan failure is exhibit A; it’s the same principle in business.

Members of Congress and America’s punditry recently awoke to the calamity in Afghanistan. The war ranks at the top of the biggest foreign policy disasters in U.S. history. In his Senate testimony on September 28th, Joint Chiefs Chairman General Mark Milley admitted that we lost to a rag-tag militant group known as the Taliban. Cue the hue-and-cry. And yet, no one has been held accountable for the fiasco.

The reason is simple: there’s been no one on the ground in charge of the war.

Wait. What?

That’s right. There’s no one in charge on the ground, so there’s no one to hold accountable for success or failure. There’s no single American the President can look to and say, “you are responsible for achieving success in Afghanistan.”

The military has a portion of the responsibility: fighting the enemy and training the (defunct) Afghan Army. The diplomats are in charge of building the (defunct) Afghan government capacity and coordinating with allies and neighboring countries. The U.S. Agency for International Aid and Development (USAID) is responsible for helping the (destroyed) Afghan economy and infrastructure. In intelligence agencies coordinate clandestine operations and provide intelligence assessments, while training the (dismantled) Afghan intelligence agency.

There’s no one below the President of the United States who has the authority and responsibility for making it all work together half a world away. Everyone else works comfortably in their silos.

While the generals, diplomats, aid workers, and spooks each talked about their progress, the situation kept deteriorating. The main causes for failure include the vast corruption within the Afghan government and military, and the Taliban sanctuaries in Pakistan. These problems occurred in the fault lines between the silos. Because no one was in charge of U.S. efforts on the ground, no one had the authority to address them or to tell the President that we needed a new strategy.

How I Chose to Commemorate 9/11

September 14, 2021/in Afghanistan Current Events, Chris Kolenda, Leadership/by Chris Kolenda

Americans commemorate September 11th in their own ways. I spent the day at Fort McCoy, Wisconsin, which houses roughly 13,000 Afghan refugees. A former interpreter from one of my units, MJ, is there with his family.

MJ served in one of the most remote outposts of Afghanistan. In such areas, interpreter turnover can be very high. Some take leave and don’t return; others get reassigned to more peaceful areas and larger bases closer to their families.

MJ stayed with his company for the full 15 months. I asked MJ why he stuck it out. “I respected Captain Page and the company. They took good care of me, and we were making a difference.” What had been one of the most violent areas in Afghanistan in 2007 was one of the more peaceful a year later.

More Americans than ever are leaving their jobs for different employers or careers. Employee turnover, which can range from 50% to 200% of the employee’s annual salary, is one of the highest costs any company faces. For solopreneurs, turnover in your partners and subcontractors results in lost momentum, increased rework, higher expenses, and a greater risk of things falling through the cracks.

MJ provides insight on how to retain your top talent. Gain buy-in by letting people know what you need them to do and why, and having them figure out how. Set clear expectations and hold people accountable. Treat them well and make sure they’ve got the resources and support they need to be successful. Captain John Page did that for his company, which kept MJ on the team. MJ’s support and understanding helped save American lives and change Afghan lives for the better.

MJ and his family of 8 left Afghanistan with only the clothes on their backs. The conditions in refugee camps, even ones like Fort McCoy, are difficult. MJ never complained. He’s grateful to have a chance to build a new life for his family and wants to open an Afghan restaurant.

Create Space Between Emotion and Action so that you can Make the Best Decision

September 6, 2021/in Afghanistan Current Events, Chris Kolenda, Leadership, Newsletter/by sla2020

People mostly make decisions based on emotion and then rationalize the decision after the fact.

The Biden administration has been stubbornly tone-deaf about the outrage and disappointment that many Americans feel about the disintegration of the Afghan government and the Taliban takeover of Afghanistan after we spent 20 years and over $2 trillion, suffering over 2300 US service members killed in action and thousands wounded.

The President has been steadfast in his decision to withdraw all troops from Afghanistan and has defended it fiercely as the meltdown unfolded. The generals talk about working with the Taliban to help American citizens get out of the country. Diplomats whisper about recognizing a new Taliban-heavy government.

Many Americans are furious about all of it, and the administration’s explanations and rationalizations seem to dig the hole deeper. Unless the administration acknowledges the emotions of so many Americans, they’ll be unable to rally them for the difficult choices ahead.

As an expert business owner, you face tough choices all of the time. The stakes are different, but the emotions are genuine: fear about starting or growing your business, anger at a partner that let you down, joy at gaining a new client and supporter, anxiety about investing in yourself, joy at seeing your clients get to new heights.

Emotions affect your judgment. People mostly make decisions based on emotion and then rationalize the decision after the fact. Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman shows how this process can lead to major errors.

Here’s what to do when you’re facing a challenging decision.

1. Label the emotion that you feel: anger, sadness, joy, contentment, surprise, fear, confusion, among others.

2. Identify the circumstances that are driving each emotion.

3. Develop options to get to your goals.

4. Decide which one is best and act on it.

Creating space between emotion and action, in action:

I’m concerned that an investment in my business won’t pay off (fear of wasting time and money). The best way to reach my goals and shorten my path to success is by getting the right support. Here are ways to do that: A, B, C.

Which one has the best potential payoff at the lowest risk?

BOOM! You got this!

What’s your top takeaway? Please share your thoughts!