five friends

Five Friends Theory: Are you Surrounded by Sappers, Trappers or Zappers?

Do sappers, trappers or zappers surround you?

According to the Five Friends Theory, you start becoming the five people you spend time with the most.

Why it matters

You want to be the best version of yourself, so you want to surround yourself with people who bring that out in you. Sappers and trappers do not bring out the best in people, but zappers can! What are the defining features of each?

Sappers suck the life out of you

Trappers want to preserve you and will discourage your growth

Zappers give you energy and want what’s best for you

Breaking it down

My wife and I love Broadway musicals, and we saw Kimberly Akimbo last week. It’s a highly original play about a teenager with Progeria, so, at age 15, she looked seventy. The average lifespan is sixteen. Kimberly knew she was running out of time.

Her parents: an alcoholic father and a hypochondriac mother, sucked the life out of her. Her predatory Aunt wanted Kimberly to stay just the way she was so her manipulation could continue.

Kimberly started living when she met Seth, who brought out the best in her, and they escaped the toxic family relationships.

Sappers are like Kimberly’s parents; they suck your life out through constant complaining, gossiping, awfulizing, catastrophizing, trauma-dumping, and the like.

Trappers, like Kimberly’s aunt, want to preserve you like a bug in amber. They feel threatened that you will grow, so they discourage you.

Zappers give you energy, like Seth. They are the loving critics who want what’s best for you and are willing to tell you the truth. They encourage you to grow and soar to new heights.

To grow, find the Seths in your life and move on from the sappers and trappers.

Who are your five friends?

Take a minute today to think about who the five most prominent people in your life are and if you would put them in the Sappers, Trappers or Zappers category.

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