Burning Trust: 5 Change Management Lessons from Climate Hysteria

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The Burning Platform is a simple idea: people change when staying the same feels more dangerous than moving. Used well, it cuts through complacency and forces honest reckoning. Used poorly, it becomes fear-based manipulation that corrodes trust.

In the climate arena, many experts and advocates crossed that line, claiming that a catastrophe was imminent if we did not convert to electric cars, stop using gas stoves, and even de-growth our economies. 

These same people took private jets to glitzy conferences, while labeling dissenting views as heresy. Their hypocrisy created a significant backlash. 

Bill Gates has moderated his stance substantially, while citizens are refusing to pay the costs of a poorly thought-out emergency transition to green energy.

The same failure patterns show up every day in business transformations, culture initiatives, and strategic pivots.

Lesson #1: Urgency Without Proportion Destroys Credibility

One of the fastest ways to lose trust is to overstate certainty.

In climate messaging, probabilistic forecasts were often framed as inevitable outcomes. Deadlines became absolute. Nuance disappeared. When reality failed to conform neatly to the narrative, credibility cracked.

Inside organizations, this shows up when leaders declare:

  • “This is the only way forward.”
  • “We have no time for debate.”
  • “Anyone who disagrees just doesn’t get it.”

People don’t expect leaders to be omniscient. They do expect intellectual honesty.

Confidence earns followership. False certainty breeds quiet resistance.

Lesson #2: Permanent Crisis Mode Creates Apathy, Not Action

Humans cannot live indefinitely in emergency mode.

In climate discourse, the alarm bell rang year after year, always louder, always more urgent. The result wasn’t sustained engagement. It was numbness.

Leaders do this, too.

  • Every quarter becomes “critical.”
  • Every initiative is “make or break.”
  • Every miss is “existential.”

Eventually, people stop listening, not because they don’t care, but because their nervous systems are exhausted.

Urgency is a spark, not a fuel source. If everything is on fire, nothing is.

Lesson #3: Moralizing Change Turns Partners into Opponents

Perhaps the most damaging mistake was collapsing disagreement into moral failure.

Questioning tactics became questioning science. Questioning trade-offs became questioning values. Debate became heresy.

Inside organizations, this looks like:

  • Labeling skeptics as “resistant”
  • Treating concerns as disloyalty
  • Using values language to shut down dialogue

Here’s the paradox: The more righteous the tone, the weaker the coalition.

Adults don’t resist change because they’re immoral. They resist when they feel dismissed, coerced, or disrespected.

Lesson #4: Hypocrisy Is Fatal to Change Leadership

Nothing kills a burning platform faster than unequal sacrifice.

When elites preach restraint while exempting themselves, urgency turns into cynicism. People will endure hardship for a shared mission, but not for someone else’s virtue signaling.

In companies, this shows up when leaders:

  • Demand belt-tightening while protecting their perks
  • Push flexibility without changing their own behavior
  • Preach accountability without sharing risk

Credibility is not what you say. It’s what you’re willing to absorb personally.

Lesson #5: Fear Can Force Compliance, But Not Commitment

Fear can make people jump. It cannot tell them where to land.

In climate activism, fear often substituted for agency. The public was told what to fear, but not meaningfully invited into solution-building.

Organizations do this all the time:

  • Announcing transformation without co-creation
  • Declaring urgency without direction
  • Demanding buy-in instead of earning it

Compliance looks like progress. Until the moment leadership pressure eases, and everything snaps back.

Gaining Buy-in

People become willing to lean forward and lend their discretionary effort when they are clear about what you want to change and why, when they have confidence that the game plan is going to work, and they conclude that they are better off buying in. 

Without clarity, you create confusion; without confidence, you get cynicism. People resist when they believe change leaves them worse off.

Advocates of climate hysteria failed on all three counts. The backlash has sidelined sensible initiatives that most people could get behind.

People don’t want to be scared into change. They want to be respected into contribution.

The Deeper Leadership Lesson

Successful change management isn’t about the strength of the initiative; it’s about the strength of trust in you.

The 3As Turn Information Into Transformation

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Unlock the 3As and consistently turn information into transformation.

I was 600 miles into the 1,700-mile Fallen Hero Honor Ride, and my bottom was hurting badly. Since mile 300 or so, I had been sitting on bags of ice every night, popping Ibuprofen and Tylenol like candy, and wondering how I would power through the next 1,100 miles.

Quitting was not an option.

I was out of ideas. Should I get a more padded bicycle seat? Should I double up on bike shorts?

Fortunately, I had a cycling coach named Chuck Kyle who built my training program and provided expert advice. He even stopped by my Milwaukee home during a cycling trip to take a ride together.

I told Chuck about the pain and asked whether I should get a new saddle or start wearing more padding.

“Don’t do any of that,” he said, “Just angle your seat forward by 1mm and tell me how it feels.”

The following 1,100 miles felt like a dream. No more painkillers, no sitting on ice bags. A simple change made all of the difference.

I would never have come up with that solution on my own. The saddle was hitting a nerve, and the angle adjustment was enough to relieve the pressure.

A trusted advisor gives you the subtle adjustments you need to thrive.

I was strong enough and had the stamina to make the 1,700-mile journey, but I lacked Chuck’s deep professional expertise. He knew exactly what to do.

His example shows that information creates awareness but not transformation. No one ever learned to ride a bike solely by reading a book. You need the 3As: application, adjustment, and accountability.

The 3As: Application, Adjustment, and Accountability

First, you have to apply what you learned. Chuck provided skill transfer in the training plan, nutritional advice, and preparation, but I had to apply his advice to benefit from it. 

How often have you heard someone struggling with a leadership skill say, “I know that,” but they aren’t doing it? People believe what they see, not what you claim to intend.

Application, as my bicycle seat example painfully illustrates, is not sufficient. Some generalized advice works well, but you must often adjust to get the right fit. Just like you adjust the bicycle to the rider, you adjust the practices to the leader. 

Finally, you need accountability to improve performance and prevent backsliding. Chuck monitored my training reports, and our monthly calls kept me on track and helped us fine-tune the program, so I continued getting better.

Did you ever notice that the best performers, athletes, business owners, actors, etc., have advisors to support them with application, adjustment, and accountability? 

Lone wolves starve, and there’s no merit badge for figuring out everything on your own. That approach wastes time and energy in trial and error while increasing the risk of failure. You still have to run the race – no one can do that for you. 

Your support network accelerates, not diminishes, your success.

Take your time to find advisors who are the right fit for you. I’d be delighted to have a meaningful conversation to discuss how to close the gap between your performance and potential and help you find the right advisor to support your journey to new heights. 

Gaining Buy-in for AI in Your Workplace

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Explore how to get employee buy-in and unlock AI’s potential in the workplace.

Would you like to get more employee support and reduce resistance to changes like bringing AI into the workplace? 

We arrived in Afghanistan and saw a damaged school. Insurgents bombed and shot up the building, so no kids went to school there. I believe that people across cultures and religions want what’s best for their kids, so supporting education was one of our top priorities to build bridges to the people in that corner of the country. 

“We’ve got funding to repair the school,” Captain John Page informed the Kamu village council, “If we repair it, will you use the school?” 

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? Don’t you want your kids to go to school?”

“Of course we do, but we’re not sending our kids to school with children from Mirdish (a nearby village).”

John went to the Mirdish village council and got the same reply.

“Help me understand this situation,” he pleaded.

According to the elders, over a year ago, Americans asked what projects people wanted. Both villages replied that they wanted a school. Since the villages were about two miles apart, the Americans decided to kill two birds with one stone and put the school in between. They brought in an outside construction firm to build the school.

These actions outraged the elders. The villages were in a decades-long blood feud. They believed the Americans promised them a school for their village, not a joint venture. Bringing in outside labor and management affronted their pride and undermined economic opportunity.

Militants from both villages took turns attacking the school as well as John’s outpost.

John was genuinely curious about their views and how to improve relationships. He worked with them on a game plan to build trust and bring a school to each village. The attacks stopped. Co-creation created buy-in that turned angry villagers into allies. 

People Won’t Buy Into Change That Leaves Them Worse Off

Just as the villagers rejected a school that didn’t meet their expectations and needs, employees will resist AI if they perceive it as imposed upon them or as a threat to their roles.

The Economist ran a recent story about AI confirming this truism. Researchers determined that two variables highly correlated with buy-in for workplace AI. People who felt that AI enhanced the quality and meaning of their work saw the machine as a partner. Those who felt their roles diminished had a dim view. 

People involved in co-creating AI’s role naturally discovered ways to boost the job-enhancing aspects; employees viewed top-down imposed AI as job-diminishing or threatening.

AI will disrupt your workplace. For example, people doing repetitive knowledge work and white-collar information brokers will likely see AI do their work cheaper and better. High-trust, high-touch roles like consulting and those that require leadership won’t be replaced by machines. 

Co-creation and job enhancement are the keys to gaining buy-in for a human-AI partnership in your company. Even job-enhancing AI is likely to gain resistance if people do not believe their fingerprints are on it. Like the Afghans from Kamu and Mirdish, they have keen ideas on what’s likely to work and want to shape events to serve their interests.

Imagine your marketing team using AI to analyze consumer data more effectively. The AI provides insights your team uses to craft more personalized campaigns, leading to increased engagement. Instead of feeling replaced, your team sees AI as a tool that amplifies their creativity and impact while your company benefits.

Co-creation is not enough, especially if people believe their views are ignored and the change will do more harm than good. People can sense the illusion of consultation and grow cynical. They need to believe they are better off.

Lectures from you about that won’t convince them. They need to come to the conclusion themselves.

Your Role in Fostering Co-Creation

You play a crucial role in fostering co-creation by actively involving your teams in the AI integration process. This could include workshops, feedback sessions, and pilot programs where your employees experiment with AI tools and provide input on how to tailor them to enhance their work.

One common concern is that AI will make specific jobs obsolete. Addressing these fears openly and providing retraining opportunities or new roles can help alleviate your employees’ anxiety and build trust. Be transparent about AI’s impact and actively work to find solutions that benefit both the company and your employees.

Sometimes, people’s jobs become obsolete. Working with them to identify new ways they can contribute to your company’s success and their own growth will help you retain great talent. With this approach, even the ones better off moving on will become ambassadors for you. 

Just as Captain Page’s collaboration with the Afghan villages turned adversaries into allies, your efforts to co-create AI solutions with your team can transform potential resistance into enthusiastic support. The key to success is ensuring everyone feels better off in this new AI-enhanced environment.

Yes, I am an AI enthusiast. My chatbot helped me strengthen this article.  

I’m keen to hear your views on how you are using a Human – AI partnership to create a 1+1=5 outcome. Please reply with your successful practices.

If you want to explore more ideas on building trust in an AI-infused workplace, let’s have a meaningful conversation. You can schedule it here.

Improve Performance with Supportive Criticism

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Here’s how supportive criticism can transform your team’s success.

Accountability’s purpose is to improve future performance. The results are readily apparent: employees meet standards, work together well, increase productivity, manage conflict, and delight customers, among other advantages.

It’s challenging to get right. There’s a good chance your subordinate leaders fall into one of two camps that undermine accountability. 

Is this topic important to you? Read on to find a fresh approach to accountability that improves future performance without awkwardness.

The 2 Unhealthy Common Approaches

Some leaders opt for the authoritarian style reminiscent of George C. Scott’s portrayal of General George S. Patton, Jr., in Patton: you make people fear you more than they fear failure, you make enormous demands, accept no excuses, chew people out, and rake them over the coals for past mistakes. 

That approach worked poorly for the real Patton, who Eisenhower fired for assaulting his own soldiers in Sicily. Patton learned his lesson, and his legendary victories after D-Day were attributable, in part, to better accountability practices. 

Others take the so-called servant leader approach, reducing their demands on employees by taking more of the burden themselves, avoiding confrontation, letting people set their own standards, and picking up the slack because they believe every failure or shortfall is their fault. 

Authoritarians have significant challenges with employee dissatisfaction and turnover, while servant leaders have burnout. Neither approach improves future performance.

What’s Wrong with How They Provide Feedback

The feedback sandwich is a common approach between the two: you try to soften the impact by saying something positive about the person, providing “constructive criticism,” and ending on a high note with more affirmation. 

This exchange between Henry and his boss, Mary (not their real names), is a typical example.

Henry, I appreciate your work here. I want to give you some feedback. You are not anticipating needs very well, and we always seem to scramble at the last minute, especially before major events and board meetings. You are supposed to go on two weeks of vacation in three days and have yet to frame the read-ahead due two weeks after you return. What you have in the shared folder is poorly formatted and not acceptable. Overall, though, you are doing great work.

What do you think about this exchange? Chances are very high that you’ve either given or received this type of feedback. 

Mary used the session to unburden her frustrations and felt better about it by sandwiching the criticism with praise.

Henry was demoralized. He concluded that Mary believes him incompetent and wants to get rid of him. He’s frustrated because Mary hasn’t set clear expectations, and their recent exchange hasn’t given him any ways to improve his performance. Just because you tell people what they are doing wrong does not mean what right looks like is apparent to them. The empty praise on either end seems disingenuous and reinforces his belief that you want to fire him.

The sins of the past focus is the biggest shortcoming of so-called constructive criticism. 

Yet, sometimes, you must highlight what went wrong with past performance to illustrate the impact and contrast it with standard-meeting performance.

How do you thread that needle?

Supportive Criticism: A 5-Step Process

Here’s a different approach, which I’m calling supportive criticism. It’s a five-step process.

  1. Note the shortfall and express confidence, “Waiting until the last minute to prepare the meeting document impedes coordination and performance. My standards for a read-ahead are very high, and I know you can meet them.”
  2. Discuss the impact: “We are inadequately prepared for the meeting because we’re making constant last-minute changes, the late read-ahead and formatting errors undermine our credibility, and we’re not getting the decisions we need from the board.”
  3. Here’s how to do it better next time.
  4. Here’s what I’m going to do to help you be successful.
  5. What does ideal support look like?

Here’s how a supportive criticism conversation could go.

Henry, I want to discuss the recent board read-ahead documents because they do not meet our quality and timeliness standards, and I am confident you can meet them (1). 

When the read-ahead is late and poorly formatted, we look unprofessional and don’t set the meeting up for success. We have to give people extra time to read the document, which reduces the discussion and coordination, and we have to punt too many decisions later, which slows our ability to get things done (2).

Next time, I’d like to see a final read-ahead copy two weeks before the meeting so we can do a final quality check, get the material in front of the board on time, and conduct pre-coordination on the key decisions (3). 

I recognize I need to do a better job of setting you up to be successful. To improve clarity, I will use the “X so that Y by when” format so you know what needs to be done, the results and outcomes I’m looking for, and the deadline. Second, let’s coordinate two check-ins beforehand so you can raise questions, show progress, and identify areas where you need additional support (4). Third, you take on a tremendous amount of work, so I want to use our weekly check-ins to ensure we’re aligned on priorities and that I’m not overloading you. What else does ideal support for you look like (5)?

Do you feel the difference in the two approaches? If you were Henry, which one would inspire you? 

Supportive criticism shows Henry what’s short of the mark, how he can do it better, and how you will help him be successful (without doing it for him like many “servant leaders” would do). 

Try this approach on for size, and let me know how it’s working for you.

I write these articles to give you the tools and action steps that get results. Although we had several leadership classes in the military, the vast majority focused on theories and principles. They all sounded good, but I often stumbled without the conscious processes to implement them. 

To help you avoid my errors, I provide you with tools (like Supportive Criticism) that turn theory into practical application. The more value you gain for free, the more likely you are to discuss ways to accelerate your success. Your commitment to getting good at getting better makes you the kind of person who’s a joy to support.

Do you want to discuss supportive criticism approaches further? Book a call.

Taylor Swift’s Advice to Leaders

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Discover powerful leadership insights from Taylor Swift’s songs.

Nicole and I are diehard Swifties. Nicole went to Swift’s Warsaw concert in early August and said the magical experience was worth every penny. (Concerts are not my thing, so Duke and I watched her movie on TV.)

I draw inspiration from her songs and thought it might be fun to capture insights for you based on various titles and link them to my recent articles. 

What inspirations do you draw from her work? Reply and let me know! 

Avoid Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, and hire people likely to buy-in to your standards. Highly talented people who engage in toxic behavior are subtraction-by-addition, because they drag down the performance of their peers and others around them. Yes, their individual numbers look great, but everyone else’s suffers. Overall performance elevates once the toxic behavior is out of the picture. 

No, your business is not part of The Great War in your marketplace. I dislike most combat metaphors for business because they trivialize human suffering while providing little practical insight. The song’s focus on friendship and taking care of people offers better advice: get to know your employees as people and take care of them, and they’ll contribute their best. Your culture doesn’t eat breakfast, but it can derail the best-laid plans and most innovative ideas.

Taylor Swift concert.

Photo courtesy of Nicole Kauss.

Sometimes you are The Archer, and sometimes you are the prey. You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can control your response. Resilience means bouncing forward. Avoid rewarding people based on outcomes, because sometimes those result from good or bad luck and factors beyond their control. You could unintentionally reinforce bad behavior. Look instead for how well they execute, learn, and innovate.

Awesome! You cannot spell awesome without we or me, and the “we” always comes first. At the same time, obey the gas mask principle: you have to put on your mask before trying to help others. We at the expense of me is the logical outcome of servant leadership and why you shouldn’t embrace it.

You can trace your Cruel Summer Back to December because you did not adapt your business plan to a changing marketplace. Five-year “strategic plans” are a fantasy, and besides, a strategic plan is an oxymoron. Strategic plans are an inverted Goldilocks: lacking the clarity of a strategy and the details of a plan, they’re not quite right on either count. A 3-5-year strategy gives you a longer-term view, and updating your business plan annually keeps you agile without creating hyperactivity.

You Need to Calm Down. I used to rage when I messed up or fell short. I didn’t have a bad temper; I mistakenly thought that getting upset showed that I cared and would hold myself accountable. I discovered that making new mistakes and learning from my own experience and those of others was more effective. Cutting away that behavior made me a much better leader and more fun to be around.

Genuineness is the most important part of your Style. You shouldn’t imitate The Man. Be yourself as you act on credibility’s three elements: being appropriately authoritative, consistently supportive, and an effective manager. 

Some people are just plain Mean and their toxic behavior does not make us better or more resilient. Don’t let them live in your head rent-free. Acknowledge and label their abusive behavior, commit to acting differently than they did, and imagine them floating away from you forever. I Forgot That You Existed. 

Complacency occurs when you do the same things over and over and expect the same results because that mentality means you are not innovating. “This is how we’ve always done it and the outcomes are All Too Well” worked for Sears, Kodak, the U.S. government in Afghanistan, and many others until their competitors innovated. 

Let me know your favorite Taylor Swift song, and I’ll reply with a leadership insight you can apply.

The Bear Shows the Lingering Impact of Toxic Behavior

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Toxic behavior in leadership doesn’t build resilience; instead, it undermines it.

Leaders face stressful situations more often than we’d like. You have a deadline to meet, a supplier is late, a customer is unhappy, or something outside your control affects your business. 

When you are under pressure or facing a crisis, do you find yourself reflecting on your supportive leaders or bullies?

There’s a good chance you think about the bullies because you associate them with duress. The bullies, in fact, most likely justified their behavior by saying that they helped you perform under challenging circumstances. 

It’s total B.S. 

I’ve been bullied by peers and seniors, and those memories haunt me occasionally. I accepted the narrative that such experiences “toughened me up,” and regrettably, I passed along some bullying as a sophomore at West Point. I was wrong, and I’ve been fighting bullying ever since.   

Watching The Bear helped me put these experiences into perspective.

The Bear is a TV show about how a Chicago restaurant transformed from The Beef to The Bear and how the chefs evolved. 

My wife got me into cooking several years ago, and I even have a few signature dishes like cedar plank salmon and a Tuscan sausage meal. 

I find most reality TV cooking shows too often promoting toxic chef motifs as if any creative genius must be a deranged sociopath.

The Bear is different. 

Carmy is the main character and lead chef. He took over the sandwich shop after his brother’s death by suicide and is transforming it into a high-end restaurant.

Carmy had three excellent mentors as he trained and developed as a chef and one bully. His memories of the positive role models center on their encouragement and how they developed his skills. The bully gives him verbal abuse.

Under duress, Carmy’s flashbacks center on the bully and the horrible things he said, and his behavior in those situations often reflects those of his tormentor.

He’s sorry and apologizes afterward, but how remorseful can you be if the behavior continues?

Carmy confronts the tormentor, who claims his abuse turned the former into a great chef who can handle anything.

Carmy, I suspect we’ll see in Season 4, begins to realize that the three supportive mentors taught him to be a great chef and helped him develop his particular superpowers and signature dishes. He deployed these skills under the pressure of a live kitchen and in the face of torment.

Abuse might have tested his skills under duress, but they did not develop them. You go into stressful situations with the resilience you have – it’s revealed, not developed, in crisis.

Head-trash is the lasting impact of torment. 

The bullies don’t make you resilient; the supportive leaders and your response to them do. The bullying is not about you; it’s about them – their insecurities and power-tripping. You succeed despite the bullies, not because of them. The strength of your positive influences allows you to bounce forward from toxic situations.

If you’ve got head-trash from bullies, know that they had nothing to do with your resilience. They tested it, and you went forward. 

Perhaps you used the experience to strengthen your skills, but they were not some sort of awful crucible that made you better – the supportive people and your willingness to learn from them did that. You already had what you needed to deal with their B.S.

If you want to create a crucible to improve your direct reports, then provide them with constructive challenges by reducing the time available, limiting resources, providing new people, expanding responsibilities, etc. Help them get the most out of the experience by supporting their learning and skill development. Feeding forward is a super way to help people grow.

Want to further discuss strategies for preventing toxic behavior in your organization? Book a call.

Chris Kolenda Leading with Dignity: Mandela's Lesson for Biden and Us All

Leading with Dignity: Mandela’s Lesson for Biden and Us All

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Mandela’s leadership was about choosing dignity over power

I spent the past two weeks in South Africa, our final stop being the Apartheid Museum in Johannesburg on June 27th. Mandela’s wisdom and grace inspired me. He negotiated a peaceful transfer of power from the delegitimized apartheid government to one that represented all South Africans and launched the Truth and Reconciliation process that followed.

President Joe Biden’s disastrous debate occurred that evening. The contrast was striking. 

Unlike most developing world leaders who rewrite the rules to stay in control, Mandela stepped down after a single term. 

  1. Commitment to Democracy: Mandela believed sincerely in the principles of democracy and wanted to set a precedent for peaceful and democratic transitions of power in South Africa. By stepping down after one term, he reinforced the importance of constitutional democracy and term limits.
  2. Age and Health: Mandela was 80 years old when he stepped down. Significant factors were his age and desire to spend more time with his family after decades of political and personal struggles.
  3. Leadership Transition: Mandela was keen on ensuring a smooth transition of power. Thabo Mbeki, who had served as his Deputy President, was well-prepared to take over. Mandela supported Mbeki’s candidacy, ensuring continuity and stability for the nation.
  4. Continuing Legacy: After stepping down, Mandela remained active in various social and humanitarian causes. He focused on HIV/AIDS awareness and education through the Nelson Mandela Foundation.

By stepping down, Nelson Mandela underscored his commitment to the principles he fought for and ensured that South Africa’s democracy would be robust and resilient in the years to come.

South Africa certainly has its issues today. The African National Congress has been running the country virtually unopposed since 1994 and has become disastrously corrupt. The problem is so bad that the ANC lost significant power in this year’s election, having to share power with the Democratic Alliance.

I’m grateful to President Biden. He visited my Afghanistan outpost in 2008, and in his speeches, he often refers to his visit to the Kunar River Valley. He even mentioned me and our unit in a 2010 speech at the VFW convention. 

Today, he’s stubbornly clinging to power. Aides and family members have systematically misled the public that everything’s fine and that we should not believe our own eyes that have watched the evident mental and physical decline. The debate showed a naked emperor.

He seems to have surrounded himself with people who will tell him what he wants to hear (you’re the only one who can save us) instead of what he needs to hear (it’s time to step down with a secure place in history and set up an appealing successor to win). 

Who benefits from egging him on?

What’s the upshot for you and me? You need trusted advisors who want what’s best for you and will tell you the truth, including when it’s time for another chapter. 

Departing the scene with dignity, whether by promotion, transfer, or retirement, while setting up your organization to thrive in your absence is among the most significant legacies you can bestow. 

Leaders like George Washington and Nelson Mandela show the way. 

Don’t let your leadership get to this point. Book a call with me so we can create a game plan.

What Surgery Taught Me About Rule-Breaking

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How often does rule-breaking occur in your business? Probably more than you’d care to admit.

Americans are avid rule-breakers. I think it’s in our DNA or the water or both. Many people came to America because they didn’t like their home country’s rules. Americans defy scolding self-appointed elites. Don’t tread on me.

We brought the Boston Tea Party, the Declaration of Independence, and a revolution that stirred other rule-breakers into action. During the Cold War, Soviet military officers feared the American military’s unpredictability: “The American military is so hard to understand because they have a doctrine, but they don’t follow it.”

Skepticism about OPR—Other People’s Rules—is pervasive and probably happens more often than you’d like in your business.

I had surgery recently to repair several nose injuries I suffered in the Army that impeded my breathing. (Cue the wisecracks about the lack of oxygen in my brain, which explains a lot.) 

A nurse called before the surgery, giving me all sorts of dos and don’ts: no eating, drinking, or smoking cigars after 9 p.m. the evening before, take a shower, do not apply facial or hair products, etc.

Which of these rules are really necessary? The nurses tend not to explain why, which invites people to push the boundaries. What happens if I take the last cigar puff at 10:30 pm (which I did)? What’s the magic behind fasting for 12 hours before surgery? Why isn’t it six or twenty-four? No water, seriously? Won’t dehydration undermine recovery? What happens if I resort to rule-breaking?

I woke up at 6:30 am, drank the 4 ounces of water left in a bottle, showered (out of respect for the surgeons and nurses), and otherwise maintained my fast.

After slipping on my hospital gown, the anesthesiologist arrived to let me know how they would put me under. He asked when I last had something to eat or drink. I had finished dinner at 7 pm yesterday and drank 4 ounces of water at 0630. 

The time was 8:30, and the doctor said, “Water takes about two hours to run through your system, so we are ok. Some people experience nausea under anesthesia, so we want to make sure your stomach is empty because you can die of suffocation if you vomit.” 

Now I get it. The doctor gave me vivid details on why patients should fast and for how long. If I ever have another surgery, I’ll be sure to stop eating 12 hours beforehand and not drink water two hours beforehand. 

I could deduce the logic behind most rules, but not all of them. People are more likely to skirt the rules when they don’t get the logic. Respect for the rules signals a healthy business, so you want people to follow your standards voluntarily. Buy–in makes accountability much more manageable.

Here’s how you can improve voluntary compliance with your standards:

  • Use the “X so that Y” formula to describe your standards. “Don’t drink water for two hours before your surgery so that you don’t choke on your own vomit from the anesthesia,” for example.
  • If you cannot describe a compelling Y for a given rule, you have good reason to discard or modify it. There’s no reason I couldn’t drink some water early that morning, even though the nurse said nothing after 9 pm. The rule seemed ludicrous, and it was. Resist the urge to add excessive safety buffers, or people will stop taking your rules seriously.
  • When it comes to adding or modifying standards, enlist the people most affected by them in co-creation. People tend not to design self-defeating rules, so that you will have automatic buy-in for co-created ones.
  • Encourage your employees to ask “why” about your standards, which is a good forcing function for you to ensure the Y part of “X so that Y” is compelling. 

When I started asking doctors and nurses the why behind their do’s and don’ts, I got better and more customized responses. 

The best leaders are humble about their rules. Just because you say a given rule is important does not mean people believe you, especially if you don’t obey the rule yourself. 

Make your rules explicit, make them count, and eliminate the ones that have outlived their usefulness.

If you are ready to take your culture to the next level, I have some excellent options. 

First, you can join my Building an Inspiring Culture® program in the self-directed or live-led versions. You’ll receive short, crisp videos, clear step-by-step processes, and implementation assignments to apply the lessons at work.

A workshop is a second option. In it, I will walk you through the tools that build an inspiring culture and help you apply them in ways that work for you and your business.

Finally, an off-site retreat can be a powerful experience for you and your team to strengthen trust, streamline communication, and create shared understanding. My clients love doing them outside at battlefields or national parks.

The Problem with “Servant Leadership”

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There are many reasons for increased manager burnout. I want to call attention to a particularly pernicious problem: servant leadership.

Like many people, especially in the military, I regarded “servant” as the highest form of leadership [selfless service is one of the Army’s values.]. 

After all, leading includes service to a higher purpose, the organization, and the people in it. Seventy percent of Fortune 500 companies reportedly say they practice servant leadership.

Well, servant leadership burned me out. 

I was wrong to advance an unexamined piece of conventional wisdom, and I encourage you to rethink it and focus simply on being a good leader.

Do you worry about burnout? You are not alone. According to Harvard Business Review, over 50% of managers feel burned out. 

Burned-out managers exhibit behaviors that degrade their performance, well-being, and the overall health of their teams and organizations. These include:

  • Decreased productivity
  • Increased irritability
  • Poor decisions
  • Self-neglect
  • Lower creativity
  • Less appreciation of employee efforts
  • Increased absenteeism
  • Poor communication

According to Merriam-Webster, a servant is “a person in the employ and subject to the direction or control of an individual or company.” A servant lacks agency. The implications are significant.

Ripe for Abuse. Almost anything goes when “the cause” is the highest good. 

“I want you to stay until 10 pm tonight to work on this presentation.” 

“But it’s my anniversary, and I promised to go to dinner with my wife.”

“I’m sorry about the timing. I really need you to work on this. You are a servant leader in this company, so you have to sacrifice for the greater good.”

Reliance on selfless service and servant leadership is a common way to cover up poor planning, sloppy time management, bullying, and other dysfunctional behaviors.

No Boundaries. As a selflessly serving servant, you have to be “on” at all times. Responsiveness is vital. When your boss texts you at 11 pm on Saturday night, you had better reply within minutes.

Dinner with your family? Storytime with your kids? Softball game? You’d better have your phone ready to answer your boss’s call.

When one of your employees is stressed out, you take on their emotional burdens and workload. You’ll do anything to serve your people.

Constantly prioritizing the needs of others emotionally and physically drains you. That’s what your company demands when they tell you to be a servant leader.

Denial of Self. There can be no self for those who serve selflessly. As a servant leader, you are expected to neglect your own well-being because everyone and everything else comes first. You need to go everywhere, do everything, be everyone for everyone. 

I’ve lived this life, and it costs me and my loved ones. I thought it was the price of being a leader. I tried not to pass on this mentality to my direct reports, encouraging them to set boundaries and take care of themselves, but my personal example sent mixed messages.

Yes, serving is part of leading, but so are requirements like making tough decisions, enforcing standards, and firing people. It can be exhausting, and you need to be vigilant about your capacity and energy to lead the way your company and people deserve and to be the kind of parent, sibling, friend, etc., that your loved ones deserve. 

Here’s What to do instead

Be a leader; forget the label. Use your judgment. Focus on being a good leader who inspires people to contribute their best to your organization’s success. Sometimes, the good of the organization comes first; other times, the needs of the individuals rise to the top. As I note in Leadership: The Warrior’s Art, Be trustworthy, treat people with respect, and be a good steward of your company.

Encourage the Gas Mask Principle. When facing a drop in cabin pressure or a chemical attack, apply your mask before attempting to help others. Otherwise, you put yourself and the person you are trying to help at greater risk. Spend time with your loved ones, sleep, eat right, exercise, and do important things outside of work. Encourage your employees to do the same.

Co-create boundaries that you and your direct reports respect. My mentor, Michèle Flournoy, explained how she and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates did this together and its impact on her and her family. Gates famously left the office by 5:30 pm daily because he knew that staying late encouraged others to do so, even if they had little to do but be seen. 

Provide Perspective. Most matters can wait until the next morning or next week. If you have to write that email tonight to get it off your mind, time it to send tomorrow morning. By sending it tonight, you encourage people to respond tonight. You won’t sprint your way to completing a marathon.

Manage Exceptions. There are rare times when you need that late night. When you respect boundaries and encourage people to take care of themselves and have a life outside their work, they will rise to the occasion when a crisis hits, and you need all hands on deck.

Turn Your Workplace Values into Standards

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Transforming workplace values into actionable standards is more important than you think.

According to a 2024 DDI study, 57% of employees quit their jobs because of their boss, and 37% have considered leaving for this reason. These numbers are not isolated incidents. For example, 50% of employees in a 2022 Gallup study said they left their jobs to escape their manager. 

Turnover costs your company between 50 and 200 percent of the employee’s annual salary. To simplify the math, losing ten employees with a $100k average salary means you are throwing away $500k to $2m.

Managers want to do a good job, and people want to work where they feel appreciated and fit in. What accounts for the gaps?

Your values fail to set standards.

It’s a harsh reality that most company values statements are feel-good slogans that fail to shape behavior. 

What happens in the halls and video calls shines so brightly that your employees cannot see what’s written on the walls. You promote what you permit.

Standards, unlike slogans, clearly define what ‘right’ looks like and what’s unacceptable. They shape behavior, empowering you to create a productive, respectful, and supportive work environment that benefits your company and your employees. 

Here’s a simple example using the value of Respect, which a company might define as “We foster a positive work environment because we value our employees.”

There’s nothing wrong with the definition itself, but it provides little clarity on how you want people to behave and why.

Here’s what to do next

Turn the value into a standard using the “X so that Y” formula. 

We foster a positive work environment so that our employees feel valued, speak their minds, treat each other well, and cooperate. A respectful workplace environment encourages people to flag problems, offer fresh ideas, and try new things.

Next, add your standards.

The dance floor can help because it’s a visual that you can co-create with your employees to set clear standards for treating people with respect and defining unacceptable behaviors. Here’s a very simple version:

Finally, provide examples of employees living the values so that people can see themselves meeting the standards.

Susan and Mark had opposing views on building the sales team’s capacity. Susan wanted to boost employee training, while Mark wanted more investment in technology and AI. Instead of bickering, they agreed on a common goal: to improve the sales team’s performance by 20%. Once they created a shared goal, they could examine the best combination of training and technology to boost performance. They co-created options and determined the best way forward, boosting the sales team’s marginal contributions by over 30%.

Standards attract the right-fit prospects and inspire your top talent to stay because people who share the same standards feel like they fit in. 

Imagine what happens when people do not share the same standards. If Susan is an in-your-face “radical candor” enthusiast while Mark prefers agreeable disagreement, one will feel out of place and probably vote with their feet.

If you want your company to soar to new heights, co-create standards for your values and expectations.

Setting standards is part of my latest trademarked program, Building an Inspiring Culture®, which you can take on your own, or we can organize a live-led program for you and your team. 

The program gives you a repeatable, step-by-step process for Building an Inspiring Culture so that you can focus on strategy and growth because your employees meet your standards voluntarily without you having to micromanage. 

You get the practical tools and explicit processes to learn, teach, evaluate, and improve.

Here’s what the program looks like:

  1. Smart Start: Define your Organization’s Common Good
  2. Set Standards: Clarify your Expectations and Values
  3. Gain Buy-in so that people do what’s right voluntarily
  4. Accountability that improves future performance
  5. Build Cognitive Diversity so you make sound decisions and position people for success
  6. Create Psychological Confidence so people flag problems quickly and try new things
  7. How to Address Toxic Behavior so you walk the talk and retain your top talent.

Get the self-directed version here with lifetime access for $997, or hit reply to discuss if a live-led program is a good fit for you and your team.